The weight of not knowing where my life is going to go is overwhelming. I have a lot on my mind, and I don’t have many other places to reach out but here. I’m a teenager, and I’ve been with a girl I really love for a year (she’s a non-believer). We’ve had sex many times throughout our relationship, and it’s only lately that I’ve been feeling a conviction in my heart that I can’t keep actively continuing to have sex when I know it’s wrong outside of marriage.
It took a lot of courage when it happened, but I mustered up the strength to tell her that I can’t keep having sex with her; I love her, but ultimately it’s up to her if she wants to stick around to marry, which will be many years at a minimum, but I respect her choice no matter what. It deeply upset her, and she’s been having a mental breakdown. She reasons that because we love each other so much, and our sex has always been loving, it can’t be wrong. Maybe if we were doing it out of pure lust, but we’re not, so it’s got to be okay. To which I knew it was still wrong, but unsure why, nonetheless, still holding where I stand. It then turned more to Christianity is wrong, and “you’re misinterpreting scripture,” which made me roll my eyes, still standing where I was.
I hate hearing her cry. I hate feeling this sense of obligation. The truth is, I want to stay where I am. I want to make love to someone I care so deeply about and feel such deep emotions for, but I’m truly just trying to do the right thing. The right thing, I think, at least. I don’t want this to end because it’s invaluable. I know she loves me, it’s just this one thing that I refuse to keep doing, and it’s beginning to mean everything. I don’t want to lose someone I love.
It’s been a day now, and she’s still unsure of whether or not she wants to stay or leave. She thinks that if we have a more un-legal marriage ceremony, then it won’t be a sin if we have sex after, and she won’t have to wait as long until we can save up enough for a real wedding. I don’t think you can do that, right? I don’t know, I just hate having this feeling like I’m trying to get around sin, and that I could be making the wrong choice. There’s so much conflict in my heart. I love her, I cherish her, I trust her. For so long, I thought it would always be her, but that was also when my faith was more immature.
Am I a bad person for putting God above my love? Am I gonna make a decision I regret by choosing not to have sex and vice versa? I feel like I’m doing a noble thing by choosing to honor God’s word and that God honors those who honor him, but there’s also a piece of my soul that questions that. Is anything actually okay if it’s with someone who isn’t a believer? Why is it wrong if it’s out of love and not lust?
I ask to be included in your prayers and beg for any wisdom you can share. Thank you.
Hey man, i was in the same boat about a year ago. Me and my then boyfriend did a bunch of sexual stuff and had premarital sex. It weighed on my heart and we had a convo about it. We failed a couple times but we ultimately ended the sexual stuff and stayed together. Now without lust we are better than we have ever been. Been almost a year ish since we have had sex.
It was tough and honestly is a huge temptation but we got past it somehow. When we hangout we simply have fun together, and replaced times of sex with bible studies or deep conversations. It has fixed jealousy between us and we barley ever argue. I pray that your girlfriend has a change of heart and i’m glad God has put it on your heart to put sexual immorality in the past. Praying for you guys!