This weighs very heavy on my heart and I am honestly very hurt and angry about it

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting on this sub and I’m not too sure if I am doing the whole question thing right but I hope I can express what I am struggling with right now in terms of my walk with Christ. Sorry for the length. This question had always been in the back of my head, but I recently saw something on my FYP that really made me start to doubt(?) and honestly made me a little angry with God. So, the caption of this post was “A religion where, (Christianity) a rapist will get to walk free in heaven for repenting and the victim will suffer in hell forever because they did not forgive their rapist, is not a religion i want to be apart of.” And while I was going through the comments of this post, it really disheartened me to see how much this world has hardened a lot of peoples hearts. There was a lot of “Christians have no empathy” thrown around. And while I do think that a lot of their arguments and rebuttals are quite close-minded because their minds and hearts are so closed off to the Lord, I cannot help but honestly see some “valid” points they were making (i say “valid” because its causing me struggle in my belief). I personally have experienced a lot of hurt in terms of being groomed from when I was in elementary to eventually being sexually assaulted and touched uncomfortably by someone who was supposed to be a trusted adult in my life. (Long-story short) In no way I am completely healed from all of that trauma, nor have I even properly processed it all tbh (i still want to go to therapy) but it’s been easier to do all of that as i slowly started turning back to the Lord after such a low point in my life… But I still hold a lot of resentment, anger, basically every negative emotion ever towards my abuser. My abuser did not receive any sort of punishment. So i still have a lot of unforgiveness and questions and just… confusion? Confusion as to why this unfolded the way it did etc… I cannot bring myself to forgive right now, nor can I see myself ever forgiving (as horrible as it sounds, i feel guilty for feeling this way but i feel like it is so unfair to me.) My abuser would use my faith in God to manipulate me. I know my God has righteous anger and weeps when I weep, but I do not understand why my Father could potentially allow someone who ruined and corrupted my life for years to go to heaven. And there are some people out there who have done so much worse to other victims and it breaks my heart to know that those evil people still have the chance to go to heaven. And if I do not forgive, I will not be able to walk with my Father in heaven. I find it so frustrating and unfair, but I know what God’s love feels like and the weight of His sacrifice and I love Him soooo much and He’s the one who truly helped me out of that dark pit. But I’m still extremely torn on my understanding of it all. Sorry if this is hard to understand… I just really want some sort of guidance on how to go about this, or like what the Bible says about these things… When I try bringing this up to the Lord I honestly just blank and I get overwhelmed with the negative emotions I felt back then. (Edit: sorry, I took out some details cuz i dont wanna accidentally expose myself. Haha)