As a believer, I know I’m not supposed to give up. But this 16 year old son of mine is making me consider giving him to his unsaved non believing father. My son has stated that he hates living with me and that he wants to live with his dad because he’s nice to him. By nice, he means there are no rules as he leaves him home to care for himself. There’s no church, no prayer, no godly aspect that hes teaching him at all. All I want is for my son to graduate and ill leave him be. I know as a believer, allowing my son to grow in an ungodly space (when he doesnt HAVE to) isn’t a good thing, but at what point t do you break and just let them go. I fear he won’t graduate as his father has him convinced that with a C, D and F on his report card, that he’s still going to be drafted to football. Im trying to give him a real life look at how things are and him and his father fight me at every turn. Im tired. Im upset that he can’t see that time is passing, and that if he gets on track, he’ll still be able to do well with sports. I stopped everything when he got ridiculously disrespectful over the past year and took away all privileges to allow him to realize what he was doing and earn them back. Hes gotten worse and worse. Even to the point where police have been called and now we will be going to court because his dad wants full custody because I’m newly married (jealous) and won’t let my son play football ( grades and poor attitude, even cussed his coach out) so……. any encouragement would be great. I’m tired, drained, exhausted and want to just give my son To his dad and let him fail…(we’ve tried that twice and everything went south, had to go get him back so that he wouldn’t fail the 8th grade.) I have cried something awful these pass 8 months and want it all to end…just know that giving up isn’t a believers choice, just trusting God and praying about it. But if I’m being honest, my faith in that is wavering because nothings changing….i’m tired and sad and want this all to go away. I just know in the end I’ll feel awful if he fails as if I could’ve stuck it out. But at this moment….I have no words for the defeat that I feel.
Can someone please help with what i need to do about this situation?
Ok, now I understand the situation better. Since you already have partial custody, see if you can continue to keep it so that you can still patent him. But if both the father and son are truly fighting you, and he’s only two years away from graduating then you might want to pray about what kind of relationship you want with your child.
He may be frustrated and angry with you, but if you can handle it then fine. If you are Ok with “wrestling” with him for two more years, do it. I think it’s worth the effort since he’s already living with you. And your new marriage is well established. (It would be different if he was not used to a new stepdad.) However it would be advisable to make sure that you have no financial responsibility for your son if he does decide to move in with his dad, and also after graduating high school.
There should be known, real consequences for not obeying you and leaving your care. That is not being retaliatory, that is being smart with your own responsibility and stating that “if you don’t want to listen to my good advice and parenting, then you should provide for yourself or your father should provide for you” I suspect his dad will “clearly see” the problems once he takes him into his own care. Usually it is like that.
I have been there. The thought of just giving up on my kids. Times are hard. Some seasons are hard. But I read something.. would Jesus give up on us? Then you shouldn’t give up either. Try to find away to reconnect with your son. It’s not easy I know. But it’s worth it! ❤️🙏
Also, If he has bad grades he will become academically ineligible for football that could work to motivate him…
Your Son is acting like this because he is in a lot of emotional pain. He is hurting and is lashing out at you, he is angry and blames you or is taking it out on you. I’m not sure if it is his Dad that is poisoning his opinion of you but until that pain is gone, nothing will get better.
I feel like you should sit down and just listen, no arguing or judgment. Just you and Him and say, “I love you, I’m sorry if I hurt you. Please talk to me about how you feel. I hate how our relationship is right now, I want it to change.” And then listen, if he scream that he hates you or something, then just ask “Why?” And then listen, if he believes something that is wrong then correct it, if you did something then apologize, give him a hug and comfort when needed.
Honestly, listening, and love can go a long way especially if he is an older child and wants to be independent. If he does not want to talk or pushes you then he is not ready for this and there is nothing you can do. Just pray and let him know you love him 🙂