So I was watching a movie and … I have been talking to god lately about my trauma which I am currently in treatment for… I’ve been angry at him and well just bear with me.. I was watching a movie and this is the speech from the movie. You’ll never feel normal again How could you after what you went through? a person doesn’t just recover from something like that It rewires your brain.
It lives in your body now, and you’ll always, always feel this way, this emptiness, like your watching your life pass by from behind glass. you’ll go through the motions and you’ll know when you should be happy but you’ll never really feel it. And after a while that’ll make you bitter. ( this part stuck with me a lot and I wondered why ) You’ll resent others for moving on from something that you’ll never leave behind. Eventually you’ll just be a burden.
And she goes onto say she should just kill herself and that it will be a mercy. When I was flipping through the pages of the Bible I was talking angrily with god about how I won’t get close with him.. and he gave me this verse. ( I tried to kill myself in September 2024 which is why I am in treatment .. and I have been praying to god for years to recover and been having interesting experiences with him.. where I can’t tell if he loves me or despises me )
This isn’t the first time I’ve had something like this happen to me.. I have had other experiences where I’ve felt threatened by god and that he was threatening me but I was thinking about this scene the whole day and for him to show me this at one of the first things I would flip to see I believe that this.. whatever I just experienced and have been experiencing is pure evil. Has anyone else had this experience with god? I used to wonder if I was in hell because of all the trauma I had went through.. and still continue to experience has anyone else had some strange experiences with God? I fully believe in him and his power because he has helped me before but.. I don’t want to serve something like this.