Hi guys, just curious for some outside input. My dad pastors a local church which is relatively small, approx 30-40 people. It’s a very close knit community and he’s been pastoring it for about 20 years now.
A young woman in the church, who is a little older than me and I basically grew up with, has been dating a guy. He wasn’t a Christian, but had been coming to church for several months to try and learn about Christianity for her. She always told my dad that she wouldn’t marry him unless he was a Christian. So my parents were open minded to the dating and we all enjoyed seeing him at church every week, he seemed to be getting connected and involved. For extra context, this young woman doesn’t have an active father figure in her life, so my dad is very much that person for her. She’s also extremely close to my mother. Pseudo-parents if you will. Definitely her spiritual parents at the very least.
Anyway, the guy she’s dating told her he’s not interested in Christianity anymore. He’s tried it out, and it’s not for him. She didn’t tell my dad all this until recently. She didn’t break up with him even though she said she would if he ever decided against the faith for certain, and now they’re engaged.
Now she’s told my father all this, and asked if he’d officiate their wedding/ marry them, or whatever the term is. He said no, because he’s not a Christian, and therefore does not approve of the marriage. Apparently she cried and said things like “but you’re like a father to me, this is my home church, you’re my pastor” etc. He said it broke his heart but he had to follow God, not his feelings. Mom is standing by him.
It’s caused a divide in some of the church members, and this woman, her fiancé and younger brother have stopped coming. I kinda think he may be being a bit harsh, but I also get it. He said he’s refused to marry similar couples in the past because of the same reason, so even if he wanted to, it wouldn’t be fair. My sister thinks he should just marry them, she’s like another daughter to him and has been coming to church since she was a kid. I see both sides. It’s hard.
What are your thoughts on this?
He is doing the right thing, I think. As a husband, he will exert undue influence on her and could drag her away from God. At the very least dampen her walk. Look what happened already? She left what seems to be a good church.
And what about the children? How will they be raised? How will she protect them from their father’s influence?
Your dad is looking out for the best for her. But she is blinded by love.
You’re seeing exactly what happens with people who are not “in tune” with God. They will look for someone who will tell them what their itching ears want to hear.
It is very sad, but your dad is right.
Your father was right. In fact, I don’t personally know any pastor that would have married them if they both weren’t Christian. Every church I’ve been to even makes the couples take marriage courses prior to being allowed to be married in their churches. The fact that this woman is like a daughter to him makes me agree with him even more. The Bible is clear on not being unequally yoked. Your father, as a pastor, has his duty to uphold it on his end as an officiant. Marriage with someone who doesn’t hold the same beliefs as us is going to be wrought with hardships. More so than most marriages. I’ve seen it destroy entire families. I’m seeing first hand what it’s doing to my brother. That is not a fate I would wish on anyone. I’m sure your father feels the same. Your friend shouldn’t even be dating this man, let alone marrying him.